Bat-Trivia #3: Secret pockets, Chinese prayers & construction yards

Welcome back to Bat-Trivia, where I share my infinite (albeit useless) Bat-Knowledge. Today's subject is centered around one of my favorite Batman comics of all time:

Detective Comics issue #39

*Record Scratch* "Yup, that's me. About to get swing kicked to my 30 story death drop where i'll become a splattered tomato on the sidewalk. You're probably wondering how I got here, well to do that we need to go back to 1925 when I was in college..."

Now the reason this is one of my favorites is one reason; I remember there being this panel where Batman goes to visit a Chinese mayor and he lands on this huge rooftop balcony before entering the building. I remember the panel of him landing and how cool the imagery of that looked and I filed it away as one of my favorites.

The thing is, that doesn't happen in this issue.

Everything I described minus the balcony panel happens, with the Chinese guy and all. But no balcony. Now when I first read this issue it was in a "Batman: Archives" (from which this blog get's its name) collection, so I'm not doubting there isn't a 40's Batman comic where he lands on a balcony, I'm just saying it wasn't in this issue. I'll have to go back and re-read that Batman Archives collection book I have (It's worth the buy if you don't care about recoloring and continuity being out of order).

Anywho; DC #39 Trivia:

Gotham has a Chinatown...

This was already established in previous issues, but in this one it expands on the idea, including

Chinese gangsters 

"I can't believe I forget the grapnel hook back at the cave tonight..."

(Or a "Tong", as they refer to it)

Chinese People

& A (ceremonial) Chinese Mayor, named Wong.

Who also happens to be one of my favorite Gothamites of all time, the real other reason I like this issue other than the before mentioned balcony scene.

Wong is a badass and a Hero in all meanings of the word. He's not even a real mayor, but he acts like one. He doesn't need to focus on being re-elected like most politicians, he focuses on problems:

He's also a martyr.

Dude literally died for his people. Most politicians have people die for them, but Wong would make himself a target of a syndicate so his people could escape something that plagued them for hundreds of years in Asia. His dying will was to reveal where to stop it:

He's like the guys from Rogue One. He dies so the hero can be a hero. Which in my book is one ticket to heaven no questions asked. He was a good guy.

Next: The Robin suit's chest? The reason it used to have those yellow stitches we always saw was because...

It's actually a Jacket! 

"I hope this asshole hasn't seen Braveheart"

Where he keeps additional gadgets. Now, how many artists and writers throughout the years do you think have just drawn those on "because that's the way it's always been"? Robin's been packin' heat this whole time. No one knew cuz he keep it on the DL.


The cover to this issue was later homaged in Batman the Animated Series episode; Robins Reckoning Part 1:

Which was a nifty two-parter in that series.

And as for that "Balcony" I mentioned earlier, this is the closest thing to it:

Oh well. I'll find it one day.


Well, my rides here!

See you whenever I feel like posting next! (Or when I find that Balcony...)

How to kill Batman 101

Welcome to my new class, "How to 101". Today's topic is how to kill the Batman in the easiest way possible, which is not easy whatsoever. Many have tried, all have failed. But a few have come close, they just were slightly off in their method.

TL;DR: Kill Alfred Pennyworth.

Poor Alfie. Now, this seems a bit too obvious and even a little mean, but it's really the pulling pin of a grenade.

But think about, what does Alfred do that Bruce couldn't live without? He keeps him in check. Alfred's primary function is to keep the Bruce in Batman, keep him human.

 

Alfred's the guy who patches him, sews him back together. He represents Batman's limits and humanity.

Legendary comic author Denny O'Neil, who's written more Batman comics than anyone else, once said:

"There’s Batman, there’s Alfred and there’s Robin. Without his butler and his boy sidekick, Batman is not Batman. He’s a lonely psycho leaving his mansion each night to play dress-up. He’s not grounded. There’s no humanity in him. There were no emotional stakes.”

( https://dixonverse.wordpress.com/2015/03/12/robin-redux-i-get-offered-a-batman-title-sort-of/ )

It's pretty common knowledge that Batman's greatest weakness is his loved ones, even the live action movies know this ("I wear a mask to protect the ones I love" -Christian Bale Batman). But Alfred is the very head of the Batfamily. He's closer than any Robin, Batgirl, League member, Commissioner, or love interest to Batman. He raised him, works with him, serves him, protects him, and occasionally has to save him. He is Bruce's father, and is the only consistent person who's always there for him.

In Scott Snyder's Death of the Family arc, the Joker kidnaps Alfred while Batman is out. Let's see how Batman, the same man who has taken down gods, begins to Panic

"Stop it". He can't even think straight. This is an incredibly rare occasion of Batman getting scared. Let's look again, at another time he lost Alfred:

My Cocaine's performance of Knightfall Alfred

And what happened very soon after:

*Record Scratch* *Freeze Frame* "Yup, that's me. The Batman. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well, it all started when a Bat flew through my window one night..." *Friends theme plays*

Point being, in both the Knightfall comic and "movie" Bruce and Alfred come to different terms on Batman's limits, and they have to part ways. Like I said, it's Alfred's primary function to keep Bruce in check, and when he can't he's essentially removed from the equation.

So how do you kill Batman through Alfred? Well you have to kill him. It'll be most effective if Batman knows he's in danger, but isn't sure whether he's alive or not. It'll drive him nuts, he wont' think straight. But the other thing is the tricky part of the plan: Not stopping at Alfred: Go for sidekicks, lovers, civilians, etc. And you have to kill them as well, Batman must have absolutely no one to fall back on. And all the while, give him an ultimatum; "Surrender yourself or each day you don't I'll kill another or two" (But they're all already dead, a fixed game.). You'll need to be prepared for two things:

1. The Batman raining down absolute fucking hell on you, the type of which the earth has never seen

2. Being ready for the killing stroke when he does eventually stop

Because the thing is, the only time Batman ever stops is if it's for the good of others 9especially loved ones), otherwise he's unstoppable. Which is why this plan works.

However, like every plan there are some kinks to the Kill-Alf-To-Kill-Bat theorem; such as that Alfred has been killed before and it didn't stop Batman:

He actually died for a while in the silver age, though later he was obviously resurrected. But the point stands, Bruce didn't stop after that. He was Batman for another 6 months until Alfred was back. You could argue that this was only possible because Batman had Dick Grayson (Still Robin then) to support him after, so he wasn't totally alone.

But as the closest possible method to destroy Batman? Surely. It'd have to be my method.

Well that's all for this class. My ride's here:

See you whenever I feel like writing again. Or see that one dog character I love.

The Best Batman- Scratch That- Best Comic Of The Year

You were probably praying that I hadn't read the issue. ANY issue but that one, because you know I won't Shut. The. Fuck. Up. About the character in that issue.

Batman Vol 3 Annual 1.

You cross your fingers because maybe I didn't read the first story. All hope is lost for you. I read that shit and almost cried.

BAT-HOUND, MOTHERFUCKER.

Bat-Hound V Batman: Dawn of Kibble

*Takes Breath*

     So anyways, his origin in the new 52/Rebirth/what-the-fuck-ever continuity DC is going with now is actually pretty cool. Apparently after Bud & Lou died Joker decided to get some new dogs, from what I can tell were named "King, Queen, Jack, and Ace". Because ya know, he's clown, he likes cards, etc. And get it, ACE. Like a playing car- 

     I think you get it. Very clever stuff. Also, very horrifying:

And you wonder why criminals fear a dog with a Bat mask on

And so it turns out that Mistah J isn't the best Dog trainer:

Hmm, that line rings a bell for some reason...

It's probably nothing though. 

"You know that thing could kill us so easy right now, right?"

"...Think it has Parents?"

"Batman NO"

"BATMAN YES"

So it get's taken to the pound, where behind Bruce's Bat-Back, Alfred adopts it

"HELP MAWSTER BRUCE"

Quiet Alfred, Krispy Kreme may be planning the demise of humanity"

And begins training / housebreaking him. Little does Al know, there's nothing you could really teach Bat-Hound, especially in the art of Warfare on the criminal kind.

Anywho Bruce, speaking from experience, believes that the ol Hound can't be saved from what the Joker did to him

December 14th is my birthday. I literally got Bat-Hound for my Birthday.

No, some wounds don't heal.

UNLESS YOU'RE MESSIAH BAT-HOUND JESUS:

     If John Lennon is bigger than Jesus, Bat-Hound is bigger than every musician including John Lennon.

     Anywho, Bat-Hound makes amends with Batman, because ya know, it's Christmas and all:

SECRET HOLY HEALING LICKING POWERS ACTIVATE. You are cured, my disciple.

     And just in time for X-mas, he is Knighted

No. I AM Bat-Hound.

It's a Christmas miracle, there's NOTHING I could ask for more than having Bat-Hound Re-introduced into continuity, and I can't wait to see his future misadventures. Maybe he'll meet an alien?

And here I thought Titus was going to be Bat-Hound.

Well, my rides here

See you next time I feel like posting next! Or whenever I see Bat-Hound in a comic again.

Thoughts on the way DC seems to be taking movies and comics

I consider myself a leading authority on Batman, and by extension DC comics. In the last year DC, and Batman, has had some major stuff happen. In and out of comics.


Let's take a gander:

Batman v Superman:

Come at me bro: The Movie

       Easily the biggest thing DC had happen this year, and let me tell you: Screw the critics, this movie is fuckin amazing. It's artistic, symbolic, true to Batman, and a fantastic start to the DCEU. It opens so many doors, such as the Suicide Squad movie (see below) and other TV shows to be possible. It's influence extends over all of DC right now, and by default marvel because, ya know, they're marvel.

       But on the subject of it's influence, DC comics has decided to model their comics to match the DCEU and TV. What happened to Superman in BvS happened to him in the comics recently. Batman has reacquired some Frank Miller Batman traits again to match BvS. Supergirl's comic title matches her TV show artistically. Etc.

      This movie may have a dark tone, but not all DCEU movies will be dark and neither will the comics. Its all good.

Justice League hype btw

DC Rebirth:

SPOILERS

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Like if you really don't know the spoiler of DC: Rebirth #1, turn the fuck around and go read it real quick. You're risking one of those "Empire Strikes Back" twists.

-

-

Watchmen are joining DC Comics' main universe. FUCK MAN. I'm still crazy about this. Alan Moore probably is too, but, you know...

"WTF is this smiley shit doing in my cave? Is that bean juice?"

...In the Alan Moore way.

       The real question this opens up is; if Watchmen are going to be integrated into DCEU as well, where will we see Batman and Doc Manhattan square off and when? I want a trailer. Oh wait

        If only

Suicide Squad:

The DC movie that does marvel better than marvel

       Earlier I mentioned that not all DCEU movies are dark, and this is an example. It's darkly colored and has a few dark moments, but overall its funny, clever, and a perfect follow up to BvS. + It had the fuckin Joker and Batman on screen together for the first time since 2008, even for a little bit. Just a little tasty bait for that Batfleck movie.

Upcoming 2017:

Wonder Woman

I love war movies. I love comic book movies. Hype.

Justice League

OH SHIT NIGGA

Well, my ride's here

See you whenever I feel like posting next!

Here's a picture of Commissioner Gordon in Justice League. JK (Simmons). But no, really

As revealed on Batman Day:

Which, for me anyways, seems to be a call back to his outfit in The Killing Joke:

Is it bad that I want the Batfleck movie so bad? But Justice League is cool too I mean...

Joker joker joker joker joker joker joker joker joker

First there was

And now there is

+

Honestly, I still don't know what to think about letos joker, but I guess we'll see (in a year)