[NSFW] The Joker's Comedy Errors

If you've been keeping up with "Batman: Endgame", you have probably seen that Joker is not a funny clown. And he certainly has no room for mistakes. This wasn't so in the 40's.

In example, he made plenty of mistakes in Batman issue Sixty-Si-

Oh no. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. No no no.

No.

Not this issue. Not now. I'm not ready ye-

In other words, we're looking at the infamous Batman #66 by Bill Finger and Bob Kane.

"Use the force, Robin"

Seem familiar? On the tip of your tongue?  Hint: You probably put this on your list of "Batman Issues To Never Read".

That's right, It's this:

JOKER'S BONER.

This is the part where you:

By the end of this issue, you might find yourself slightly more liking to Superman

Lets begin:

"A special Boner just for Batman."

"You've probably committed some boners in your life"

...No comment

Anyways i'd like to introduce a new Thingy-ma-jig called The Boner Counter. It works like this; every time the word boner is thought, spoken, written, seen, etc, we add a Boner to the counter. So far we're at:

Boner Counter: 5 Boners

Also I don't really think the Discover of America would count as a mess-up, by the way.

Onward:

Alright, seems like the average Gotham Robbery so far.

Wait. Into the Elevator?

...Well no S***.

I mean I could totally see them actually using the elevator to escape creating a plot hole, so bravo to Bill Finger remembering the elevator wouldn't work, but was this really necessary?

So they race to the stairwell, but meet an obstacle dressed like a Bat:

And excuse me, but did the lights come back on? Odd.

"We can still take the elevato-... Never mind"

"He threw a match into some chemicals for film processing! I don't know why they were here in the first place being this is an electric company, but i'll roll with it."

Maybe you should have taken him down when you disarmed him? Just an Idea. Anyways this page mentions boner twice, so now we're at:

Boner Count: 7

And here it is folks; the panel that made this issue infamous:

When was the last time a newspaper used "Chortle"?

And I absolutely love the henchmen's reactions:

"Did he jus' say-"

"Yeah he did! I don't think he knows what a bo-"

"Quiet you idiots! Oh man this is gonna be a long caper."

So anyways, Joker then has his realization:

Yeeeeeah. We're only to the 2nd panel of the 4th page and Boner has been mentioned how many times?

Boner Counter: 12 Boners

12 times. 12 Boners. 12. If this were a drinking game, you'd be dead. And also, Joker just gave a perfect explanation of this entire issue:

That's all this issue is.

So anyways, wow do I say that a lot, they begin the Boner crimes:

The only thing I have to say is;

1. sorry for the bad cropping

and

2.

...

You know, the blog industry isn't always easy.

Next:

...That works. Whatever Floats Yer' Boat (Buh Dum Tss). So four pages down, where's that Boner counter at?

Boner Count: 15 Boners

This is getting painful. Oh, and I need a little clarification:

Will the "Fun Will Begin", or is it the "Fun Will Be Gin"? Speaking of Gin, don't use that for the drinking game. Just don't play a drinking game with this issue. Many a' good men have lost their lives that way.

So they steal the diamonds, and the newspapers react accordingly:

"Stung by his Boner..."

By Encouraging him. This is all their fault in the first place! Way to take responsibility there, Gotham Gazette.

Once again, Joker's henchmen are priceless:

"Wait, he's not done with this yet?"

"Oh no. Tell my wife and kids I love them. I'm not gonna make it."

As for how he uses this to pull a job? Beats the pants off me. He does, I just don't know how or why.

No, I don't think he didn't account for the Joker and his Boner crimes. Because how would he?

Alright yes, he did make the tower lean. But why? Other than just to be a jerk, how could he profit off this? And did they come back a week later? Or did they stay the whole week in a castle like "So this is nice"? Why not rob it, then set it up to lean so others discover it happened weeks ago?

And was it really that hard to scale? There's no guards, no security, no nothing. There's not even a fence. And he had no difficulty scaling it when it was leaning, so hard could it be when it's upright? Moderate-Difficulty?

Oh, where's that Boner Counter at? Here it is:

Boner Count: 19 Boners

This is staring to rival Joker's Body Count over at the DC wiki. So later as the papers continue to encourage the Boner crimes, Batman and Robin finally appear again in this issue. I was starting to worry.

"Batman will make the Boner of the year..."

...

Um... Use the Force Robin?

Nevermind.

Yes. Batman has a book about boners under his "reference books".

And now:

Boner Count: 25 Boners

25 Boners. and more to come with even more Boner crimes:

I don't even know what to do with these.

Boner Count: 27 Boners

Next:

"I'm worried about the boner he's readying for you!"

So it appears Batman's formulated a plan to beat Joker. But keep in mind it's the golden age. So it's one of those types of plans. The type formed out of his sheer genius.

Yeah Bruce, how?

"Because I'm psychopathic clown, Jeff."

AAAAAAActually you would stick out like a white thumb, Mr. Joker. Being that you're the palest dude in Gotham and the Roman Empire. Also, how wouldn't they recognize you? You're an infamous wanted criminal! If it were Batman and Robin in those disguises, they'd recognize them too. Because you're both well known.

And didn't at least one person say "There's WAY too many extras here. Who are you guys"?

Boner Count: 31 Boners

I want you to actually think about that. No, don't just think okay we're at 31. Lets move on now", actually think about it. Why was there a need to say Boner 31 times in a total of 8 pages. I'm just asking you think about how ridiculous that is. not to picture 31 Bone-

Moving on:

"What a Boner those movie will make when they pull this horse outa here tomorrow morning!"

Apparently in Gotham, movie people have a fetish for pulling Giant Wooden Horses full of Gangsters out of Warehouses.

The narrator totally missed the oppurtunity to say "Late that night... In the Darkened WareHorse...".

But anyways Batman halts production by stopping the Horse, and making the guards check it. Literally "Have you checked inside that horse?".

So this is what comes up when you google "Check your Horses":

Apparently Horses get tooth decay.

"Well whadawe here, Batman?"

Then the showdown commences:

And i'll be d*mned if that isn't the most terrifying horse in a batman comic:

"Foolish mortals. Your quarrels mean nothing to an immortal."

"I have stood since the romans. I will continue to stand"

"Your meaningless souls are mine"

Yeeeeah no thank you. I'm gonna need a picture of Batman punching a horse:

Thank you Scott Snyder. Now back to the issue:

So Robin slips on some random Greece Grease (See what they did there?) and the Joker gets away.

Aside from the intended pun, i'm starting to see a pattern. Remember way back at the beginning of the issue, Joker escaped by lighting some Film on fire that shouldn't of been there? Well now there's a random Grease spot on top of the horse that shouldn't be there, also allowing Joker to escape.

Too big of a coincidence for me. And whenever there's a piece that doesn't fit it stories, I know my #1 suspect:

Gordon has a dark side

Anyways, we haven't checked the Boner count in a while, so:

Boner Count: 32 Boners

Not too much farther along, but hey. That's quite a lot of bone-

Never mind.

Where was I? Oh yeah. So Robin slips on some Greece:

Was that a threat? No not from Joker, from Gordon:

"It'd be a shame... If you, per say, flew directly into a storm"

"And had an accident"

Gordon has a dark side

Anyheck:

So they have to set it to automatic, which flies them out of the storm:

...Joker just saved Batman's life. From Gordon. Huh. Now THAT is a Boner.

And who hasn't heard of Batman, even in England:

*Retches* "What the h*ll is that?" *retches again*

*Flies past*

"You never heard of Batman? Yerr still hungover matey"

That looks nice, btw:

Anyways, i'm getting tired of reviewing this. It's been like a month long project. So NEXT:

"News O' Globe"?

Just like Batman, I have 

But I do have a Boner counter going Out of Control:

Boner Counter: 35 Boners

So finally; this story ties up nice an-

"We needed the time and a series of readings to plot the direction of your beam!". So, uh, why didn't you still fly to California? You'd still be able to track them AND testify without being an international Joke. Because Batman said so. That's why.

-happily?

What? What about the wrong way Corrigan thing? Won't Batman still be a joke or whatever? I guess it doesn't matter, seeing as it was never mentioned again.

And what was that officer?

Why? Does he have something against criminals throwing parties in the name of Boners?

"You scum are the worst. I wish I could blow your brains out right here and now. Throwing a party, like you're above the law? You make me sick."

"I'm going to make sure you Rot in your own partying filth."

"I hate you more than you'll ever know."

One last thing:

Boner Count: 38 Boners

This issue has Boner mentioned around 40 times. Think what you could do with 38 Bone- {SLAP!} Okay, sorry. Me and my inappropriate jokes.

So that's that. Batman #66. Lets never talk about this again.

Well, my ride's here:

Man did this post take forever to write. Appreciate it you little Boners. See you whenever I feel like posting next!

And the next Batman Movie is................

...The Court of Owls! Yay!

Actually it's called Batman vs Robin.

For some reason they seem to be blending the whole Damian betrays Batman for the bad guy thing like they did in Batman and Robin Vol 1:

Yeah; Batman does not look happy there:

Time to bust out the Bat-Copy Pasta:

What the Bat-Gyro did you just f****** say about me, you little bat? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Super Heroes, and I’ve been involved in secret raids on The Criminal Underworld, and I have over 300 confirmed villains in the slammer. I am trained in every warfare and I’m the top fighter in the entire JLA forces. You are nothing to me but just another target for my batarang. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with saying stuff to me cause you're my son? Think again, Robin. As we speak I am contacting my network of spies across the Galaxy and your Heat signature is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your existence. You’re screwed, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can injure you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Research and Development Department of Wayne Enterprises and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your @$$ off the face of the continent, you little $h1t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” move was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. You didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. My bats will crap all over you and you will drown in it. You’going to blackgate, kiddo

...That was a little intense, even for me.

So that's that. Dat Court of Owls tho:

HYPE. TRAIN.

Well, my ride's here:

Yeesh, do I always blog in abandoned warehouses? Anyways; See you whenever I feel like posting next!

In which Batman didn't feel like it

We all hate going to work everyday sometimes, even Batman:

Nope

"Sir, the city is on fire."

"I don't wanna"

"You're even already dressed sir"

"I just want to brood with my bats"

"Ahem. Sir"

*SIGH*

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE, I'LL GO. SHEESH."

From next month's Batman #38

In which Batman and Joker have lemonade together

Over at comics make no sense, Adam just had a post about Batman #145, which I thought looked interesting. So I looked into it.

The story is a continuation of an else-world/possible future, where Dick became Batman 2 and Batman and Batwoman's kid (that's disgusting) became Robin 2. Suddenly, a criminal claiming to be Joker's Son pops up, and thus:

So Bruce comes out of retirement to fight an elderly Joker and you know the rest of the story:

...Just kidding. Me and my forced jokes. But he does come out of retirement to fight pay a visit to an elderly Joker at least.

"I'm through playing games, Joker."

Wait. Wha-?

You know, this guy killed people. Why does he get a comfortable retirement home with a flower garden? Shouldn't he be in prison?

"Cup of lemonade?  Yes Please. Why thank you, Joker."

Wow, Joker actually has quite the edge of hospitality, doesn't he? nevermind that.

They're actually having lemonade together. Batman and Joker are drinking lemonade together. And actually, looka round Batman. Crime, in this issue, does in fact appear to pay. That's quite the nice cot he has there.

Furthermore:

"I mean, it's not like you're immortal!"

"Nevermind. Have a good retirement!"

Yes. Joker has his flowers and books. Last time I checked, these are what he considered flowers:

...And if you've read Batman annual #3, I don't need to explain what happened to that guy's face.

Oh, and here's what his book looks like:

Which turned out to actually have nothing written on it, so Batman burned it:

Another similar book turned up in Death of the Family, which Joker claimed had all the Bat-Family's identities in it. But alas, nay:

"Must be invisible ink again"

In other words, all of Joker's books are blank and his flowers acidic. So getting back on topic, heres Batman drinking lemonade again:

"What is it with you and lemonade? I'm trying to have a conversation here!"

"Damn you and your lemonade!"

-What i'll always quote Hal Jordan with

"What in the F*** is wrong with this guy?!"

You know, that lemonade of Joker's could have been poisonous. Thank gosh it wasn't but it could of been. Yeah if you really want to kill Batman, poisonous lemonade is the way to go. Batman can't resist a good cup of lemonade.


So thats that. What a weird post this was. You know, i read once that Batman's favorite drink was blueberry tea, because supposedly that's the tea Alfred brings down to the Batcave every night, but i have a hunch it's actually lemonade.

Well, my ride's here:

"The time has come."

See you whenever I feel like posting next!

Batcave Trophy Origins: The Monk's Hood

Have ever looked at really obscure Batcave Trophy pictures and noticed a Red Rag like thing? No? Okay. Have you ever wondered who Batman's first super-powered villain he fought was? Good.

Today we'll look at the trophy origins of the Monk's Hood on display in the trophy room:

And to answer where it came from, and who the first super-powered villain of Batman was, we'll look at Detective Comics #31 by Bob Kane and Bill Finger.

Pretty cool cover I gotta say. Unfortunately, I don't have availability to the issue right now, so I'll scrap together what I can.

The Monk was a Vampire. Yep. Furthermore he turns into a wolf instead of a bat, and can control other wolves. So essentially, he's a Vampire WereWolf.

The Basis of his scheme is he uses mind persuasion (not quite mind control) to lure people to Hungary. I say to Hungary because that's where his castle is, and his powers can effect you from across a continent. So right off the Bat (Buh-Dum-Tss) you can tell this guy is dangerous.

 When you would arrive at his castle, he feeds you to his Wolves. And that's it. Why he didn't just persuade a few guys to steal a dump truck and a few thousand pounds of Dog Food to be delivered to him is beyond me.

Yes he looks ludicrous, but he's dangerous. Like I said, he was able to persuade people from across continents, so that means he is able to get in the head of The Bat-Man:

"...Go on nice dates, howl at the moon, eat people, you get the gist of things. It's a pretty sweet gig."

I would talk about the entire story arc, but naw. Too lazy I don't want to spoil it for you. At the end of the story, The Monk calls in his wolves and traps Batman in a cellar with them:

"Well Good Morning, Pooches!"

...More like they're trapped in there with Batman.

So Batman escapes the pit, but The Monk isn't around anywhere. Because he went to bed. I'm actually laughing as I write this. If "He went to bed" doesn't scream evil, I don't know what does.

Anyways, Batman kills him in his sleep:

He's a vampire, so it doesn't really count as murder in my book

Notice when he not-kills the Monk, The Monk is not wearing his Hood. So pretty much we can assume as Batman was leaving he found the Hood hanging on a coat rack and was like "Well that's a waste of a perfectly nice trophy"

OR

When The Monk briefly returned in the 70's, Batman beat him again and then took the Hood that time in Detective Comics #515 (I haven't read it).

And thus:

Arguably, you could say this was Batman's first trophy, but my golden age senses tell me that there was probably a story about Batman's first trophy.

In the 2000's Matt Wagner re-did the story to fit into New Earth continuity during a story called "Batman And The Mad Monk", which takes place after Batman Year One.

So that's that; The Monk's Hood.

See you whenever I feel like posting next!

That thing about Batman #37 no one is talking about

It occurred to me I haven't posted anything since last year (Buh Dum Tss). So let's look at Endgame.

I wasn't going to review any of Endgame till it finished, but I got bored. Amidst all the reviews and discussions out there on the interwebs, so far no one has talked about a certain little detail from last months Batman #37.

Joker knows who Batman is-

"Oh, hi Joker! how ya been? Wait. Did you just say Bruce? Aw crap."

So let me repeat that with some significance

THE JOKER KNOWS WHO BATMAN IS

...maybe

I mean yeah, he did straight up say his name, but there is an alternate explanation of this. Maybe he only knows Batman's identity is something Bruce? It's possible when he sent the Justice League after Batman he didn't watch the fight but did listen in. Which means Joker would have overheard:

And:

And:

*Sigh* And:

AND:

Oh who could forget And:

...Joker's reaction when:

"I wonder if his name is Bruce..."

That's not even all the times they said "Bruce", but they never said "Wayne".

So it's possible Joker only knows his first name. Which is bad enough. But that would also be assuming he gave the League the toxin and let them run off only hoping that they'd go to where Batman lives and that they know who he is. And that he only listened to the battle.

But I don't think so, honestly. If you pay attention, this issue is nothing more than a mirror of Death Of The Family. Think about it:

Mirrors:

The first one is about Bruce saying that Joker is just a man, trying to water him down. The second one is Bruce telling himself that Batman is more than a man, boosting himself up.

And this:

Is mirrored by:

The first one is about Joker teasing Gordon he hides under his bed. The second one is JOKER ACTUALLY HIDING UNDER HIS BED.

Even that creak (seen above) is mirrored:

Not only does that mirror the "Creak", but it mirrors how he opened the door to the police station:

Catching my drift? It's a big mirror.

So here's my point, the biggest mirror:

Is mirrored by:

I think the point being made in this issue is that those threats Joker said in Death Of The Family are true. He threatened that he hides under Gordon's bed. He Does. He threatened he knew who Batman was, and certainly appears to now.

Which seems exactly like the kinda thing Scott Snyder would do. Anyheck, that's my two cents about this issue. I could talk more about the whole supposed Joker Immortality thing, but nah. That'll probably get cleared up soon anyway.

Well, my ride's here:

... I never realized that was a DKR reference

See you whenever I feel like posting next!